I happened to be living in Newcastle at the time, and a friend was having a farewell in Sydney before she went overseas to live. She invited me to her farewell in Sydney, and I happened to meet Marc at this event. Over the coming months we stayed in contact and caught up between Sydney and Newcastle. It wasn’t until probably 3 or 4 months into catching up that he let me know he had kids…I knew he had split from his wife sometime before, but the kids was a new element. So it was a surprise, but I had always been good with kids, but it definitely wasn’t something I had considered as fitting into my world at that time. However, it didn’t frighten me off, and we continued to catch up, and Marc organised a catch up with his kids. I actually took it as a compliment, as to want to introduce your family to someone new is a big deal. So this is when I met Britt and Reg, they were 5 and 3 at the time, but both good kids, and the kids warmed to me. Marc got called into work and he needed to leave the kids with me for an hour or so – this was great, it gave the kids a chance to bond with me and get to know me, and visa versa.

It would have been a few weeks later when I met Lou, and I was a bit nervous about that..being the new person in the situation does that…but Lou was lovely, gorgeous and very  pleasant and had a lovely relationship with her children, and I think (hopefully) she recognised I was a nice person and would do right by her children…although it probably took a while for that to happen. Within a few months after meeting the children, I moved in with Marc, and so the start of becoming a stepmum began!

Becoming a stepmum, I don’t believe, is something that comes naturally – it is no different to becoming a mum…you don’t get a handbook on what to do, how to behave, or know where you fit into an already made family. I do believe though, if you are raised to be a good person, ensure kids needs are put first, and just have a positive outlook, you can figure most other things out along the way. My parents had split while I was in my final year at school, and throughout this process and even still today, my parents have always made sure they get along well, and that as children our needs were put first, and we were never involved in any of their “baggage” or “issues”. So I was lucky to have had this experience to draw on as I entered this stage of my life.

Becoming a stepmum has enriched my life, I know I have helped to ensure we have a happy blended family, that my stepkids know that the norm of divorce and new /blended families doesn’t have to mean disharmony and dealing with adult issues before their time. My stepkids are great kids, and always have been, I have learnt from having them in my life, that you can juggle studies/work and kids – you can do all of this together, and be successful with all of these things.  I have a daughter now, and Lou is like a “stepmum” to her, she has a brother and sister who she sees nearly every week. We have regular catch ups as a family, some adhoc some planned, and quite often it is just Lou and I catching up as the kids all play basketball together with their dad! When Marc and I married years later, we had Britt and Reg in the bridal party, and had Lou at our wedding as well – to me family is family, and this is our family.

Lou and I are both – hardworking, well educated, empathetic and compassionate women, who just happened to know its about the kids, and I think our relationship was based on these things – be a good person, look after the children and be nice. Both Lou and I want to share our experience, as we have what I think a lot of people would like – to have a happy blended family. It doesn’t come without challenges, but it is about what you want for your family and what you put in and I guess having an open outlook on lift to adapt as you go, so when those challenges come up you can work around them. I have been a member of this family now for around 14 years, so our experience is not a one or 5 year experience, we have had a solid blended family for a long time – so we have a lot of time from which we can draw our experience from.

So, this is where we are at….stepwives…..as we kind of are like stepwives – we want to share through writing blogs/books and sharing our experience.